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Really, I told myself that Twilight wasn't worth talking about but I've been away for a long time (except through the Magic of Twitter) and I have to, have to say something about Twilight.

Stephenie Meyer is a genius. )

ADHD World

May. 16th, 2011 06:29 pm
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Is our current Twitter/Facebook/YouTube soundbite culture responsible for the absolute epidemic of plotless fiction? Has the technology revolution caused a global ADHD that keeps people from even noticing that they're consuming plotless fiction?

Spoilers for Eclipse and South Riding )
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Of all the impenetrable mysteries surrounding the success of the Twilight saga, I believe the greatest of all is the romantic appeal of Edward Cullen.

I'm reasonably sure that Edward has become far more attractive due to his onscreen portrayal by Robert Pattinson. I personally think RPatz has gotten borderline ugly since his rather pretty turn as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but I can appreciate that plenty of people still find him dreamy. And, judging from the first film, his character has been made far more palatable than he is in the books. But the books were a huge hit before the movies, and Edward was already a romantic hero before RPatz was cast, and I just don't know how any woman -- or even any girl would find this character attractive.

He's just so awful. He's a controlling weirdo, a crushing bore, a condescending fop and worst of all, a self-righteous cunt-tease. And the way Meyer describes him is so unpleasant -- forget his frigid, rock-hard skin (pretty much the opposite of sexy if you ask me). Let's concentrate instead on the way he's almost always growling, hissing or emitting other freaky noises...that is when he's not flaring his nostrils and peeling his lips back from his teeth. GROSS!! Who'd want to spend eternity with that?

But then, Stephenie Meyer seems to have an odd knack for unintentionally ugly descriptions. Her two favorite words are "sour" and "acidic." She uses them over and over to describe a whole host of emotions, from hurt to anger to dissatisfaction to betrayal. It's a personal pet peeve, but I think "sour" is one of the most unpleasant words in the English language. Even saying it makes you pull an ugly face. And yet people in Meyer's books are always "sour" about something or saying things "a tad sourly" etc. Thesaurus, Stephenie, thesaurus! "Bitter" is a perfectly effective and far more attractive synonym. Same goes for your love of "acidic." This is a word that is best used sparingly, and preferably, to describe poor digestion. In fact, now that I think about, all this acidic sourness often makes her characters seem to be suffering from a bad case of agita. Which could explain Edward's frequently peeled-back lips and flaring nostrils. And could also explain why I so enjoy reading these books on the crapper.


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