SPN 4:03: On Second Thought...

[oselle]

Found myself thinking a lot about "In The Beginning" today. I think part of the reason I felt kind of disconnected from it was because it was so...sad. And it wasn't sad in a nice, juicy Oh, Dean! sort of way, it was sad. It made me sad.

I'm not saying that it was a poor episode -- quite the contrary. But it may have been just the plain saddest episode of this entire series.

Let's suspend our disbelief here and pretend this isn't a TV show, that it's real. I want to do that because some of the things I'm going to say or ask here are not things that I actually want to see brought into the show, but things that I'm observing within the discrete reality of that universe and those people. I hope that makes sense.

Some of the sadness is coming out of the continued distance between Sam and Dean. Sam seems almost nonchalant about Dean being back from hell. The only thing that seems to matter to him is whatever the heck he's doing with Ruby. There's a weird emotional flatness about him that only appears to diminish when Ruby's around. I floated the idea in some comments last week that I thought Sam went insane when Dean died. I don't mean stark-raving, rubber-room crazy but just crazy enough that the old Sam is gone forever. I think he latched onto Ruby, and whatever she had to offer, as his only lifeline -- so much so that the incredible, wonderful occurence of Dean's return has hardly had any effect on him. Consider how enormous this is! Dean's back from the grave -- back from hell, and Sam's preoccupied with Ruby.

Not only does Sam seem unaffected by Dean's return, he seems to be downright apathetic about Dean, period. I don't know if you're picking up on it but Dean's not okay. He's awfully quiet and seems to have lost a great deal of his old energy. He's sleeping a lot. He's holding things back from Sam and Sam is not noticing any of this, because Sam is hardly paying attention to Dean at all.

Meanwhile, someone sure as hell ought to be paying attention to Dean because Castiel? Is a fucking bastard. What in God's name was the point of forcing Dean to helplessly witness the genesis of his family tragedy? And I do mean "helpless" because it was clear that Dean wasn't sent back in time in order to change history -- Castiel just wanted him to see it for himself and I think that was excruiciatingly cruel. But then everything Castiel's done so far has been cruel. Take away all the "good things can happen" and "you deserve to be saved" pap that Castiel was dishing out in the premiere and what do you have? You have an angel who let Dean rot in hell for four (six?) months before pulling him out and who has made it perfectly clear that Dean's "salvation" has nothing to do with divine mercy and is far from unconditional. He's got Dean on a very short leash and Dean is afraid of him. That's something I'm not used to seeing on Dean -- actual fear. And Castiel is fucking with his head and he's doing it on purpose. I think that whatever he's setting Dean up to do will be atrocious, most likely something to do with Sam, and Castiel knows that he'll have to break Dean down in order to get him to do it.

Frankly, Sam's looking like he got the better end of the bargain here. Ruby may be using him -- but she's also (I imagine) teaching him how to harness his own power, and Sam will at least be able to choose how to use that power. Dean's options, in contrast, seem limited to being Castiel's puppet or going back to hell. Castiel wants Dean to save Sam from the "dark path" he's headed down...but who's going to save Dean from Castiel?

The very idea of destiny that came into this episode is permeated with sadness. To believe in destiny is to give up on free will, to abandon hope, to accept that your entire life, no matter what you do, has only one possible outcome. It was terrible to hear a youthful Mary tell Dean that the last thing she wants for her children is a hunter's life because destiny has already written that that is is exactly what they'll get. Even worse was Dean's heartbreaking naivete when he told Mary just not to get out of bed on that night ten years in the future -- as if that would somehow have prevented what happened. Mary was destined to die that night because the Winchesters were destined to become hunters and they're all stuck on a horrible wheel of fate that they cannot escape no matter what. And goddamn that's sad.

This show is getting deep. And I'm loving it.

Comments

[oxer12.livejournal.com]

I just love reading your thoughts on this.

I agree wholeheartedly about Sam's apathy towards Dean. I thought the same thing. Every chance he gets, he's sneaking off with Ruby, and I'm like, "Um, hello? Brother is back from the dead? Ring any bells?"

I've watched the first episode a zillion times, and when Sam hugs Dean, he looks angry. Dean looks so relieved to have his brother back, and Sam just looks pissed off. I wonder how far ahead Jared and Jensen know the storyline, because I would love to know if Sam's reaction to Dean's return has something to do with a later episode, or if Jared just decided to play it that way.

[layne67.livejournal.com]

About Castiel. You have to remember that he's an angel of God, a warrior angel at that, not a guardian angel. He's not acting on his own, he's just a soldier, acting by orders from God. He wouldn't even be getting Dean from out of hell if he wasn't ordered to do so. These angels, Biblical or Quranic, they serve God no matter what the orders are, which was what got Lucifer into trouble in the first place, his refusal to bow to Adam. So I don't really blame Castiel in any of this, he was just doing what he was ordered to do, because of who and what he is.

And Sam ... I'm with you all the way there, the indifference and all that ... that's just so sad, so very sad ...

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I am so drawn in by the distance between Dean and Sam and I think this makes sense. It seems like this whole destiny idea is permeating everything. Someone elsewhere said they thought the point was that Dean had always been the one who caused the tragedy because he was always there in the past and it was him who brought the YED's attention to Mary.

That, to me, is just kind of annoying. But regardless, it reminds me of what seems to be going on with Sam. He worked with Ruby because of Dean going to hell, and now Dean's back and he can't appreciate it because he's gone.

I did like that rather than ordering Dean to stop Sam and so setting up a brother against brother thing it's framed in something closer to what seems like the show's premise. It's just become that much more important that Dean save and protect Sam, which he's always been doing.

[pdragon76.livejournal.com]

I really wish I believed Kripke et al had the gonads or skill to explore a fraction of the stuff you've touched on here. But unfortunately, I just don't think they do. *is sad*

But I sure think you should. *hands you pen and paper*

[oselle.livejournal.com]

He's not acting on his own, he's just a soldier, acting by orders from God.

Well, I have big problems with the very notion of God and this depicition of angels on the show is just stirring them up. I don't care what God's big plan is, I don't think that Dean (or anyone for that matter) deserves to be used as His Holy Cannon Fodder. And Castiel is just the worst sort of warrior -- the "just following orders" guy who, so far, has only threatened and tormented Dean while giving him next to nothing in the way of answers or even hope. It seems to me like this is a big war between heaven and hell and humanity is just caught in the middle and bound for the meat grinder and the angels don't find that any more upsetting than the devils do.

I should stress that I'm again talking about how awful this is within the show's reality. For the show, as a TV show, I think it's freaking AWESOME.

Re: yes, and yes, and yes...

[oselle.livejournal.com]

castiel is as likely to be an agent of damnation as salvation

Castiel's version of salvation seems to come at a very high price and Sam really needs to start paying attention here. I don't know what Castiel's ultimate goal is but I doubt that Dean's well-being figures too highly in it.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I wonder how far ahead Jared and Jensen know the storyline

That's a good question and I'll bet they know quite a bit. I don't think either of them is playing their characters so differently without some foresight of where the season is going.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

It's just become that much more important that Dean save and protect Sam, which he's always been doing.

I know but at the same time I'm like...when is someone gonna save Dean? Sam wasn't able to save Dean from hell and now that Dean's back, Sam's indifferent to him and oblivious to whatever's happening to him and I'm like, shit, Sam...Dean looked out for you his whole life and now Dean's just some sort of background noise to whatever Sam's got going on with Ruby. What I like to imagine is Sam and Dean telling the forces of both heaven and hell to just fuck off.

[layne67.livejournal.com]

I still couldn't figure out where Azazel was in all this. Is it like, Heaven v Hell 1 ( Azazel or whatever is replacing him, Ruby? ) v Hell 2 ( Lilith and Lucifer? ).

I should stress that I'm again talking about how awful this is within the show's reality

No worries, I GOT that! :)

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I've been pretty skeptical of Kripke in the past but I really think he's trying here. There were things in this episode that recalled "Home" from three whole years ago and that's making me believe the rumors I've heard that Kripke actually has a well thought-out plan for how this story began and where it will end. The first three episodes of this season have struck the tone that I've always wanted the show to have and I almost feel like Kripke's finally taking the whole thing seriously. So while I don't think he's really going to dive into these issues (or even be able to), I am starting to have faith that he's at least trying to sound the depths.

[pdragon76.livejournal.com]

I absolutely, thoroughly agree that something delightfully self-appraising has happened in camp Kripke this hiatus. This season has had a highly promising start and I'm more excited about Show than I have been in a very long time. But every now and then I read a post like this one and I kinda wish I HADN'T, because... it makes me yearn for a delicate and nuanced exploration of all this amazing subtext. And I know I ain't gonna get it from Show. That I shouldn't EXPECT it from Show.

That's what fanfic is for. *\o/* *hands you pen and paper again*

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

That is totally what makes it so tragic. Didn't Sam's dad shove Sam into little!Dean's arms when he was a kid and tell him to run? That's so sad to put that on a little kid and yet here he still is having grown into the role, but on some level he's still just doing that on instict. He's the big brother and it's up to him to save him, even when nobody's helping and god knows the baby (Sam) has no clue!

I'm coming to see that I'm sort of a sucker for taking the story of a "chosen one" of any kind and focusing on the ordinary guy who's got to take care of him. (I don't see Frodo/Sam that way, btw, since Frodo's a regular person who just got something handed to him too and agreed to take on the responsibility without knowing if he was at all up to the task.

Castiel's just another force in the universe saying hey, shut up and do what you need to do. You're not the one who's supposed to be thinking about the meaning of things and who you are and what the universe thinks about you. But now Dean is unable to help asking those questions.

[catsbycat.livejournal.com]

Gosh. I wasn't sad before but I am now. :(

Bravo! *claps* What an excellent post. Oh!Dean

*slips some more paper under Dragons'*

[i-o-r-h-a-e-l.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Castiel's just another force in the universe saying hey, shut up and do what you need to do. You're not the one who's supposed to be thinking about the meaning of things and who you are and what the universe thinks about you. But now Dean is unable to help asking those questions.

I was thinking the other day about how Castiel has sort of assumed John's role of ordering Dean around and expecting blind faith out of him and I think that Castiel is eventually going to give Dean the same marching order that John gave him -- kill Sam. But if Dean wasn't going to do that at his father's command he sure isn't going to do it for this guy and like you said, Dean's already asking questions that Castiel doesn't think he has any business asking. I was just livid when Castiel told Dean to start showing him some respect last week because what the...how fucking dare he? If he and the angels were so worthy of respect then why do they need Dean anyway? Not to mention, no one talks to MY TV BOYFRIEND that way.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I caught a nice tailwind of inspiration today and actually cranked out a couple thousand words that may or may not be nuanced subtext. Your turn.

*pushes paper and pen back across table*

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Dean is just getting more tragic by the minute. Sam seems to almost be enjoying whatever he's doing with Ruby while Dean has nothing except this sonofabitch angel riding his ass while Sam KEEPS LEAVING HIM ALONE!! If it was up to me (not on the show but in the "real" universe of the story) I'd just have Dean holed up at Bobby's, sleeping late, eating too much, watching bad TV and just generally being taken care of. Poor baby.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I so adore your angsty Dean icon. It just seems a perfect expression of what he's going through.

[i-o-r-h-a-e-l.livejournal.com]

I love him at that scene, so much. Poor him. *sniffs*

[agentotter.livejournal.com]

Personally, I sort of wonder whether there is a God. (Canonically speaking, I mean. We'll not get into my own personal feelings on the subject.) I mean, going forward with the idea of Castiel as a soldier who is just following orders, and angels and demons as armies with the kind of hierarchies we're used to. Not everybody gets their orders from the General, or the President, or whomever is at the top of your chain of command. Does Castiel (or anybody else) get their orders direction from God, or are things just coming down from some other figure in the chain of command? Are they just assuming that God is still there and they're still carrying out the last orders they got thousands of years ago?

That's sort of my pet theory, anyway. I seem to recall Ruby or somebody mentioning that nobody's actually seen Lucifer in some time, and I wondered if maybe the same is true of God, if this is just one of those wars that goes on and on with nobody even really sure anymore what they're fighting over. (OMG MEBBE GOD AND THE DEVIL ARE THE SAME GUY! IT'S CLARK KENT/SUPERMAN! HAS ANYONE SEEN THEM IN THE SAME ROOM?!) And definitely they all find the humans expendable. They're sort of The Prophecy-style angels, really. (Which is my favorite sort of angel: the deeply fucked up and morally bankrupt kind.) You almost get to where you like the demons better because at least they're straight up about their agendas.