(no subject)

[oselle]

Felt pretty good yesterday after I got a call from a pug rescue organization about two little black pugs in New Jersey who need a home (yes, two -- they are mother and son). Felt really good, actually, but I'm having second thoughts about ever getting another pet when I think of Daisy in the last days of her life.

Not feeling so good today at all. Had an argument last night with my senile mother and angry father. He wants me to do this and that about my mother, like getting her to clean up the bedroom and also legal stuff that I don't know how to do and I feel like, shit -- he's retired, for Christ's sake, he's got plenty of time on his hands to make phone calls and shit. I don't. And I don't want to deal with any of this right now.

Then today my beleaguered toilet finally broke down for good and it's going to cost me about $200 to replace it and boy, I sure don't need to spend the money.

Went out for groceries and felt so tired I could hardly put one foot in front of the other. Got a coffee but it didn't help. Came home and watched Harry Potter movies for the rest of the afternoon, immobilized in front of the TV. Wish I could escape to Hogwarts or Middle Earth or anywhere but here.

Last time I was in the animal hospital I was looking at the memorial wall where people had put up brass plaques in memory of their pets. I saw one that made me cry with the quote, "A little dog danced and the day began." Kept thinking about this all day and made the mistake of looking up the quote online. It's part of a poem that begins with the little dog dancing and ends with the little dog dying.

But when I first saw the quote, without even knowing where it came from, it made me cry because it reminded me right away of a day years ago when Daisy was only a few months old. We were visiting my sister up in Maine and Daisy and I were crossing a parking lot. I had just bought Daisy a new leash at a pet boutique in Kennebunk. And Daisy was skipping and bouncing along at the end of her new leash and we passed an elderly couple in their parked car. And the man said to me, "We were just so enjoying watching your little dog dance."

Now my little dog is dead, like the one in the poem and the day is over, like the poem too. I wish I could turn time back six years to that summer day in Maine when I didn't feel so broken down and used up, and when my little dog still danced, to the delight of all who saw her.

Comments

[caoil.livejournal.com]

((((Oselle))))....I wish I had words that would help, or could change things for you.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

:-( I'll bet those people still remember dancing Daisy.

About getting another pet, I don't think you should worry about making any decision about that now. If and when the time is right to get one you'll know. Nothing wrong with taking time to grieve.

As for the other issues--I see no reason you should have to be dealing with that stuff either.

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

I remember spending days in bed, watching television, mind-numbed, after Jim died. Getting up, making myself move, was almost impossible. And if that's what you are doing, there's nothing wrong with it, Oselle. You're grieving. You have a right to grieve. Knowing that other people have felt the same kind of pain, that we understand and feel for you, I don't know if that's much help, but it's what I have to offer. My heart aches for you. I would not presume to offer advice to you, except to say do whatever you must do to make it through the days, and whatever your heart tells you is right for you to do. And I send you a warm embrace.

[westmoon.livejournal.com]

You need to take as much time as is right for you. And your father needs to understand that. Are there any other family members who can help?

I feel so badly for you. You paint a beautiful picture of Daisy, of the joy she brought you and others.

♥ and hugs.

[merylmarie.livejournal.com]

Mews said it better than I could. Take it a day at a time and trust that it will get a little lighter bit by bit. ((((((Oselle))))))

[cs-luis.livejournal.com]

♥

Take the time to grieve, it's okay. Just go one day at a time.

((((Oselle))))

[fictualities.livejournal.com]

What everyone else has said about needing to take time. Grief isn't a Swiss train -- it doesn't happen according to a strict schedule.

About getting a new dog -- again, as Magpie said, you have to listen to your heart about when the time is right.

[golden-berry.livejournal.com]

What everyone else said.

(((Oselle)))

[samaranth.livejournal.com]

(((oselle)))

Take your time. For everything.

[cpsings4him.livejournal.com]

Just chiming in with everyone else to say, don't rush yourself. Grieve. Take all the time you need. There's no right timeframe for these things - we are all different in each different situation. I myself tend to take a loooong time to "get over" these kinds of things. And, we all know you never really "get over" it, you get THROUGH it, but eventually to a happier place where it doesn't hurt so much to remember. Better days ARE coming. Just take each day, one at a time.

I think of you so often. Did you know that?

*hugs*

[sleeplessmarea.livejournal.com]

You're an excellent writer, Oselle, even in such a time of personal grief such as this. I've lost pets... cats mostly... and I cried like a baby as I read through the last few ones...

When I read this phrase of yours "And I think how Daisy came into my life (just like that, I never got Daisy, she came into my life)", I remembered the stories of Madelaine L'Engle (the "Wrinkle in Time" ones) where her characters also lost a favorite dog (Fortinbras, I think) and also believed that the right dogs would come to them when it was the right time. So it will be with you, I think. Give it time.

Every pet I've bonded with... it was as if they became a caretaker, coach, companion for a little territory in my life... maybe a fun and childlike and playful part. Or else maybe the serene and lazy part. We'd spend time snuggling on a couch, or chase each other around the house, or enjoy spending lazy Sundays together.

When your pet friend is gone, those times/parts of you are lost too (for a while anyway). When this happened to me, it hurt a lot, and for a while until (eventually) it didn't.

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the grieving you are going through now. I wish there was a wand spell or something that would just make it go away - unfortunately I don't know one.

You handled things in those difficult final days better than I think I would. I'd be too much of a emotional wreck to be as good a caretaker and vet nurse as you so obviously were (being obsessively sentimental and a real sap even in the best of times.) You're obviously tougher - and I admire that.

Hang in there. We're all thinking of you.

Hugs and comfort...

[sleeplessmarea.livejournal.com]

As to the "legal stuff" you don't know how to do, I can offer something concrete.

You have my permission to ignore all this, should you think it pointless, unworkable, or inappropriate... especially since I don't know EXACTLY what you're being asked to deal with.

But you can call this law firm - it is upstate NY (I worked for them for 8 years), but they have family in NYC and visit there regularly.

518-449-2037. Kriss, Kriss, Brignola et al. They have been known to give general advice (maybe even for free over the phone... never hurts to try) or else for a modest consultation fee. They are not expert in elder law, but have done some stuff in that field. They are not crooks. They might be able to refer you to a NYC lawyer, or perhaps other service providers you may want to consult with. You might want to consider looking into getting a visiting nurse or personal aide who might be able to come in and periodically deal with the more difficult issues (or conversations) involving your mother.

THEN maybe you can pass the info onto your FATHER, and he can help shoulder some of the responsibility for his WIFE. (Sorry... wasn't shouting at you... but hearing about this kind of situation always bothers me and is ahead for me as well, unfortunately)

[tempest-415.livejournal.com]

Thinking of you. Hoping you are well.

[hiraetham.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're sharing all this with us.

I hope things are getting a bit better for you, and I wish you warm, comforting Holidays.