Circling the drain

[oselle]

I am horrified, horrified at how quickly time has begun to pass.

They say this happens to everyone as they get older but it's beyond anything I ever imagined.

And it's not just now compared to, say, childhood or adolescence. It's moving faster now than it was even a few years ago.

I was talking in another post about my past fandoms and I realized that I've now been in Supernatural fandom longer than I was actively involved in Lord of the Rings/Elijah Wood combined. LoTR/EW altogether lasted from early 2002 through mid-2005, roughly three-and-a-half years. Next month will mark four full years that I've been in SPN fandom...and yet when I think of LoTR/EW, it seems like that went on forever, and meanwhile, these past four years have just...I don't know where they went. It's getting faster all the time.

I swear, I'll remember something and I'll think, Oh yeah, that was a couple of years ago, and then I'll realize it was six or seven or ten years ago. Last month marked eleven years that I've been at my job. This November it will be five years since my dog died. I have the feeling of being trapped in a car with a jammed gas pedal and no brakes...and hurtling right toward a concrete wall. Hurtling downhill toward a concrete wall. Faster all the time.

There's something ominous about this because I think it has to do with death. The closer you get to it, the faster things go. It's an inelegant metaphor, but it makes me think of water going down a tub. When the tub is full, the water's moving so slowly you can hardly tell it's going out at all. That's like childhood, when time seems to stand still. The more the tub drains, the faster the water moves. That's adulthood, slipping by faster and faster. When the water's almost all gone, it's moving so fast that it's just a blur. That's where I'm at now. Everything's just a blur. Circling the drain.

Jesus Christ, someone put a stopper in this thing.

Comments

[amber1960.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it! I can't believe when I was a kid I measured time in part years - 8 and 3/4 actually meant something, and summer holidays stretched for so long I had actually forgotten where I had to go when I got back to school in September and was nervous because of the unfamiliarity of it all...

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

oh gosh, I hear you! I hear you so much! I'm 40. When the hell did that happen? I was 18 just a few years ago, with the world ahead of me. I've been in fandom for NINE YEARS and it feels like it was just yesterday!

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

I know what you're talking about. Years go by like days as you get older.

[merylmarie.livejournal.com]

Ack, if you're circling, then I'm already in the trap. Get me a plunger! :))

[oxer12.livejournal.com]

Can so relate to this! I'm 38, and just realized I graduated from college sixteen years ago. How is that possible? I still feel like I'm 23-ish or so.

[shilohmm.livejournal.com]

I love the draining tub image. Think I'll send that on to my mom.

I've always had an "all time is now" thing going, so I love this aspect of aging. It means that, when it suddenly dawns on me I haven't talked to so-and-so in two years and call them up, instead of getting, "Do you realize it's been two years since you last talk to me," I get, "Wow, it's so great to hear from you!" and we pick up where we left off without a pause. :D

[sixth-queen.livejournal.com]

December 21, less than 6 months from now, will be the 10th anniversary of LotR.

[kinkthatwinked.livejournal.com]

I think if I put a number to just how long I’ve been a Beatles fan, I’d scare myself. I remember attending a Paul McCartney concert for my 17th birthday!

Your bathtub is a frighteningly accurate analogy. It will haunt me every time I hear my joints snap, crackle and pop … which is happening more and more often.

*goes off to curl up in bed in fetal position*

[ramalama.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I know, I know. That's what a lot of that nostalgic depression has been about. I'm getting old quickly but still can't do anything while a parent is living. Bleah.

Wow, has it been five years since you lost Daisy? She was a once-in-a-lifetime dog.

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

This November it will be five years since my dog died.

That doesn't even seem right. Good lord. Doesn't it feel like just yesterday that you were writing "Birthright"? I saw Elijah on something the other day and he said it has been 12 years since he headed over to NZ to start filming. How is that even for real?

I just realized that this year is my tenth year since I got the internet and started posting fanfic. But...I just started writing fic, didn't I? Damn.