Circling the drain

[oselle]

I am horrified, horrified at how quickly time has begun to pass.

They say this happens to everyone as they get older but it's beyond anything I ever imagined.

And it's not just now compared to, say, childhood or adolescence. It's moving faster now than it was even a few years ago.

I was talking in another post about my past fandoms and I realized that I've now been in Supernatural fandom longer than I was actively involved in Lord of the Rings/Elijah Wood combined. LoTR/EW altogether lasted from early 2002 through mid-2005, roughly three-and-a-half years. Next month will mark four full years that I've been in SPN fandom...and yet when I think of LoTR/EW, it seems like that went on forever, and meanwhile, these past four years have just...I don't know where they went. It's getting faster all the time.

I swear, I'll remember something and I'll think, Oh yeah, that was a couple of years ago, and then I'll realize it was six or seven or ten years ago. Last month marked eleven years that I've been at my job. This November it will be five years since my dog died. I have the feeling of being trapped in a car with a jammed gas pedal and no brakes...and hurtling right toward a concrete wall. Hurtling downhill toward a concrete wall. Faster all the time.

There's something ominous about this because I think it has to do with death. The closer you get to it, the faster things go. It's an inelegant metaphor, but it makes me think of water going down a tub. When the tub is full, the water's moving so slowly you can hardly tell it's going out at all. That's like childhood, when time seems to stand still. The more the tub drains, the faster the water moves. That's adulthood, slipping by faster and faster. When the water's almost all gone, it's moving so fast that it's just a blur. That's where I'm at now. Everything's just a blur. Circling the drain.

Jesus Christ, someone put a stopper in this thing.

Comments

[amber1960.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it! I can't believe when I was a kid I measured time in part years - 8 and 3/4 actually meant something, and summer holidays stretched for so long I had actually forgotten where I had to go when I got back to school in September and was nervous because of the unfamiliarity of it all...

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Oh god, now it's like you do the opposite. Like I was at the eye doctor and she looked at the year of my birth and said, "So you're forty-four," and I practically snapped, "Not until September!!"

[amber1960.livejournal.com]

He he still a baby then...LOL

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

oh gosh, I hear you! I hear you so much! I'm 40. When the hell did that happen? I was 18 just a few years ago, with the world ahead of me. I've been in fandom for NINE YEARS and it feels like it was just yesterday!

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I swear, 40 was horrible. I remember not being too upset by it at the time, but within a year it seemed like everything on me started falling apart and I began to get that "Well...you are over forty" line from my doctors.

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

I know what you're talking about. Years go by like days as you get older.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

They really do.

[merylmarie.livejournal.com]

Ack, if you're circling, then I'm already in the trap. Get me a plunger! :))

[oselle.livejournal.com]

You'll have to tell me if it's nice down there.

[oxer12.livejournal.com]

Can so relate to this! I'm 38, and just realized I graduated from college sixteen years ago. How is that possible? I still feel like I'm 23-ish or so.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I remember getting an invitation to the 25th anniversary of my high school graduation a couple of years ago and it was just horrifying. I felt like such a senior citizen.

[merylmarie.livejournal.com]

This June marked my 40th anniversary of graduating from college. Hope that makes you feel a bit more spry. :))

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I don't know...I think once you pass forty we're all pretty much in the same leaky boat.

[shilohmm.livejournal.com]

I love the draining tub image. Think I'll send that on to my mom.

I've always had an "all time is now" thing going, so I love this aspect of aging. It means that, when it suddenly dawns on me I haven't talked to so-and-so in two years and call them up, instead of getting, "Do you realize it's been two years since you last talk to me," I get, "Wow, it's so great to hear from you!" and we pick up where we left off without a pause. :D

[oselle.livejournal.com]

That sounds very nice.

[sixth-queen.livejournal.com]

December 21, less than 6 months from now, will be the 10th anniversary of LotR.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Sigh.

Nine years ago next month was our Vermont hoot. Can you believe that?

[kinkthatwinked.livejournal.com]

I think if I put a number to just how long I’ve been a Beatles fan, I’d scare myself. I remember attending a Paul McCartney concert for my 17th birthday!

Your bathtub is a frighteningly accurate analogy. It will haunt me every time I hear my joints snap, crackle and pop … which is happening more and more often.

*goes off to curl up in bed in fetal position*

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Sorry about that. :(

[ramalama.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I know, I know. That's what a lot of that nostalgic depression has been about. I'm getting old quickly but still can't do anything while a parent is living. Bleah.

Wow, has it been five years since you lost Daisy? She was a once-in-a-lifetime dog.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and there's nothing like being around your elderly parents to make you feel extra decrepit. I love that little sneak preview of my inevitable future. You know, no other species on earth is set up so that offspring wind up tending to their parents. I think there's a reason for that.

Wow, has it been five years since you lost Daisy? She was a once-in-a-lifetime dog.

She really was. But I think it was the ordeal of her death that really ruined me for having another pet. If she had died in fat, happy old age, I probably would have been delighted to get another dog and start all over again.

[ramalama.livejournal.com]

I've made a pact with another childless friend who is also caring for elderly parents that at a certain point we'll just make with the Thelma & Louise. It will probably be my only opportunity to see the Grand Canyon at this rate. Of course, it won't be quite as glamorous in a Honda Accord...

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I've made a pact with another childless friend who is also caring for elderly parents that at a certain point we'll just make with the Thelma & Louise.

SHOTGUN!

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

This November it will be five years since my dog died.

That doesn't even seem right. Good lord. Doesn't it feel like just yesterday that you were writing "Birthright"? I saw Elijah on something the other day and he said it has been 12 years since he headed over to NZ to start filming. How is that even for real?

I just realized that this year is my tenth year since I got the internet and started posting fanfic. But...I just started writing fic, didn't I? Damn.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I think the last "Birthright" story was also five years ago. I remember posting it the summer we went to Minnesota for the second time, and that was 2006. Meanwhile, Elijah Wood turned THIRTY this year. Jesus Christ.