SPN 6:14: Mannequin 3

[oselle]

Yeah, I know "The Cringing" wasn't the real title, but it sorta fits.

Based on the first 15 minutes or so, I thought we were in for a decent old-fashioned MoTW episode. A little bloody, a little creepy (those anatomy dummies have always freaked me out), the rather adorable reappearance of the EMF monitor.

Then all of a sudden...oh God...I'm in Lisa Braeden's living room watching her and Dean hash out their domestic issues against a soundtrack of sappy strings. I'm in Ben's bedroom listening to an eleven-year-old lecture Dean on the meaning of family. More sappy strings. And then OH GOD IN HEAVEN WHY GOD WHY I'm actually sitting there watching a montage -- A MONTAGE!!! -- of Dean-n-Lisa's Greatest Moments that was as laughably maudlin as anything I've ever seen on daytime TV...no no no, it was MORE laughably maudlin because I expect to see that shit on daytime TV.

Oh lord...I went into a full-body cringe. Literally, I was huddled up on the couch in a fetal position. Even my toes cramped in on each other.

If not for that I'd be ranting about how Sam basically let two murderers get off scot free (There were four guys who pranked that girl, weren't there? And only two were killed by the ghost?). I'd also be ranting about how disgusting it was for Sam to apparently have no intention of telling that woman what had happened to her sister, and to let her go on thinking that she was just missing, not lying charbroiled in a shallow grave somewhere in New Jersey. I thought Sam got his soul back? What?

Or I might be talking about how that dummy on the bed didn't look much like a sex doll. Real sex dolls always have their mouths open.

Or I might be laughing over how funny Jensen looks when he runs because that never fails to crack me up. It must be those fuckin bowlegs of his. He runs like George Costanza.

But no...I can't talk about any of that because of THE MONTAGE. THE MONTAGE OF HORRIBLE SAPPY CRAPPY WTF MAKE IT STOP HORRIBLENESS. And THE STRINGS. And THE PARENT TRAP. And OHMYGODKILLMENOW!!!!!!!!

C-R-I-N-G-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then just as I was getting unkinked, THE GODAWFUL PREVIEW of next week's GODAWFUL META EPISODE came on and I pretzeled up again. I actually felt my bowels shrivel. My friggin sphincter tried to crawl up into my intestines. By next Saturday I'm gonna need to spend two hours on a massage table getting rolfed out so I can stand up straight again. I'll probably need an enema too just to get my works moving. I plan to send the bill directly to Sera Gamble.

Comments

[shoofus.livejournal.com]

amen. i think a stake in the heart of the show is about the only solution now...no, i think it got staked already and we are watching the death paroxysms...

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Salt and burn that motherfucker. It's done.

[shoofus.livejournal.com]

the stake was castiel denouncing sam's soul as something broken and flayed and not worth salvaging...that was the stake in the heart of this show, and bobby agreeing with that...because there is no integrity, no point, no meaning to this 'rebooted' reality where sam's soul is worth nothing and a soul less 'meat suit' zombie means more to an angel and to the surrogate father of those boys than his soul did...

bah, what a pile of steaming shit this show is becoming...

seriously, justified was clean and so grown up and subtly powerful compared to this empty cartoonish crap here...

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Yesterday's episode of One Life to Live was grown up and subtly powerful compared to this. Actually, no it wasn't. They were about on a par with each other.

[zatnikatel.livejournal.com]

It could have been worse: they could have set that montage to REOSpeedForeigner…

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Y'know, that would at least have give it some camp appeal.

[big-pink.livejournal.com]

Seriously. It's all I can do not to leave comment here in ALL FUCKING CAPS. W.T.F. The montageyness of the whole thing was at first cringy and then it was goofy and then it was surreal and now I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy about it because I truly believe that given next week's ep, this ep may seem stellar.
*dies a little inside and not in a good way*

[oselle.livejournal.com]

BUST OUT THE CAPSLOCK because we need it now more than ever. Oh no wait, we'll need it more than ever next week.

Oh, by the way, you're the whole reason I started writing SPN fanfic. I can't believe you're commenting in my journal. I've worshipped you from afar for years. Ask anyone. LOL, how's that for surreal?

[big-pink.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahaha. You're a funny one, you.

I really couldn't figure out this ep. It was the montages, for sure. Weeeeeeird. It was like someone (a director on One Life to Live, for example) got hold of the reins. It was just STRANGE.

That is so sweet of you to say, about the worshiping and whatnot. Such...responsibility. You do realize I'm sitting here in my pajamas and hoping it snows again tonight so I don't have to pick up rapidly thawing dog poo from the backyard again tomorrow, right?

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Do you remember those old K-Tel records commercials? There was always some romance compilation with a montage of couples doing romantic things...this was about that bad. Actually it was worse. The K-Tel commercials would at least have given us some Air Supply.

You do realize I'm sitting here in my pajamas and hoping it snows again tonight so I don't have to pick up rapidly thawing dog poo from the backyard again tomorrow, right?

Well if it doesn't snow, at least you'll probably write 5,000 words of awesome fiction between the dog poo and the back door.

[big-pink.livejournal.com]

It's snowing! It's snowing! No dog poo for me today! Unfortunately, I have a Houseful of Kids. Dang. Mine, other peoples. FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND. How did I get to be den mother this weekend, especially when Dr. Pink is away???

[amber1960.livejournal.com]

Ah frozen dog poo - brings back memories of last January cleaning out the huskies at dawn in the arctic wastes of northern Sweden....got to say, I was very grateful for the temperatures at minus 34 degrees C, it made the task sooooo much easier!

I think I must have low standards as I thought this epi (apart from the montage) was kind of ok. A bit disjointed, and brushed off Sam's Hell episode suprisingly easily, but ok.

[big-pink.livejournal.com]

Bartender: I want whatever she's drinking.

[amber1960.livejournal.com]

I'll send you one over right away... ;-)

[oselle.livejournal.com]

How about a round for the house?

[amber1960.livejournal.com]

Okey dokey, virtual drinkies of your choice are materialising within your grasp as we speak. Along with the Winchester or angel of your choice to serve both drinks and your every need.

Well, it is the weekend after all. I think we deserve it.

[twirlycurls.livejournal.com]

God, that was awful, just really awful. I hate domestic Dean, I hate the new-and-revised Lisa & Ben, and it's clear that the writers are going to drag this crap out for the duration of the show.

"I'm in Ben's bedroom listening to an eleven-year-old lecture Dean on the meaning of family."

A-FUCKING-MEN. What the hell is wrong with these writers? Kids do not talk like that. They most especially do not talk like that to mom's ex-boyfriend. Give me a fucking break.

The preview. I just can't believe they're doing another meta episode. Shouldn't they be devoting their few remaining episodes to righting this train-wreck of a season? Don't we have a big bad that needs development and lingering plots about purgatory, souls, a war in heaven, another brother still trapped in hell, etc?

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Don't we have a big bad that needs development and lingering plots about purgatory, souls, a war in heaven, another brother still trapped in hell, etc?

No we don't, silly viewer-type person! Shows what YOU know! We need HILARIOUS meta in which Sam and Dean become THEIR REAL-LIFE SELVES HARHARHARHARHAR!!

*vomits*

*dies*

[muffaletta.livejournal.com]

Hey, don't you all be knocking Dean's domestic pseudo storyline! If it werent' for that, the only thing he'd be doing this season is wringing his hands over poor Sammy's special tortured soul. It's a coin toss which fate is worse at this point- I'm voting for Sam's caretaker, part 6, myself. Although, that montage.....*ponders*

Poor Jensen. Even he's hoping for a more solid storyline for Dean next season. ALthough if Sera's still in charge, Dean getting to hold the EMF meter and solving a case once in awhile might be an upgrade.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry but Jensen must be having major Eric Brady flashbacks at this point. Considering James Franco is on General Hospital AND hosting the Oscars, Jensen must be wondering if leaving Days all those years ago really was such a great idea. The material certainly hasn't improved.

You know, it's really true that Dean has no story anymore. There's this awful Lisa shit and then there's Dean taking care of Sam and wasn't Death supposed to have tasked Dean with some special duty? What happened with that? I guess he's too busy sitting around having soulful chats with pre-teens and reminiscing about all the times Lisa...opened a door. Seriously, I could hardly watch that. Oh look, Lisa's opening a door! Swooooon!

[ann-tara.livejournal.com]

First of all, The Twilight Zone did mannequins better than anyone else. Second prize goes to Doctor Who. As for this, it was not just a clusterfuck of epic proportions thanks to the Winchesters - it was worse. It was boring.

And, excuse Miss Lisa - didn't you break the hell up with Dean? Didn't you ignore all his phone calls after the vamp incident, then tell him in no uncertain terms that you and Ben wanted nothing to do with him? And now it's his fault for not calling? Bitch, please. Talk about a retcon. I know the season feels like it's dragging on, but the episode really wasn't that long ago.

Eh, whatever, honestly that took more effort to type than I really feel about the episode overall.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Didn't you ignore all his phone calls after the vamp incident, then tell him in no uncertain terms that you and Ben wanted nothing to do with him?

Yeah, what was all that "I called you six times!" crap? Oh who gives a fuck, really? I don't. The only good thing I can think up about that montage is that it might mean the end of Lisa and Ben but I think that's way too much to hope for. I'm sure there are new horrors yet to come on that score. But it would sure be tough to top THAT MONTAGE.

[mulder200.livejournal.com]

As I suspected, another eps. not worth my time. I am so sorry for your loss of time. And I am so sorry that SPN has turned into this shit! Sera and Company have killed it dead.

If there is another season after this, i will be amazed!

And while I am tired of Meta's eps., this one was written By Ben Edlund so I have hopes it won't suck.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Ben Edlund writes a good comedic script but the premise makes me want to curl up on the floor and shriek so I can't imagine the execution is somehow going win me over.

[martin-rose.livejournal.com]

For the time being they dropped the subplot they were building with Death's "Keep digging" bit; but I think I figured it out, and I hope it stays dropped. I suspect they might have been building toward something potentially worse than the Lisa and Dean's greatest hits montage . . . I'm gonna wait until I'm 80 to watch the rest of the season, and all this will seem new and refreshing for a change . . .

[oselle.livejournal.com]

What did you figure out? What on earth could be worse than The Montage?

[martin-rose.livejournal.com]

I could be totally wrong, but, my guts telling me this: if Mary and John W couldn't be found in Heaven in the "Dark Side of the Moon" ep, and they certainly aren't in Hell, well . . . they must be in purgatory . . . which opens a whole new can of worms. Because if in the SPN universe, monsters end up in purgatory, well, you can follow that thought where it leads. Sticky questions over Sam and Dean's parentage/ancestry.

That would tie in nicely with Crowley's promise to deliver Samuel his daughter -- a delivery that hung upon Samuel's efforts to discover purgatory so Crowley could keep up his end of the deal in exchange for his services.

The only thing worse than a montage is a family reunion.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I don't think they could do that, if only because they probably wouldn't be able to get Jeffrey Dean Morgan...although I suppose they could always get the actor who played young John and have him come back that way.

I had thought for a while that Samuel Campbell was making a deal with Crowley to go back in time and kill the YED before Mary could ever make a deal with him...and that the series would end with a Back to the Future scenario in which the entire Winchester saga never happened and Sam and Dean grew up in a normal life. But now Crowley's gone and I'm pretty sure the series isn't being canceled this year...can't say I'm sorry because that was a dreadful speculation on my part.

[kiltiebum.livejournal.com]

It was the music that got me.
I heard something similar whilst in an elevator in 1986, I think.

I really, really hope they're saving up their pennies for some serious cock rock in future eps, because I couldn't concentrate on the story for that pap they piped out to us.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I know and didn't the music seem awfully LOUD at times? Like when they were watching the closed circuit video?

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Oh god, I'd forgotten the montage. Laughing over the dinner table! Were there even some tossing off soap suds during family fun time? Good lord.

Honestly, what's the point of that whole thing now? First Lisa set up what seemed to be the plan that she and Dean would just be friendly fuck buddies and he'd come into town when he was there. Then she broke up with him because of the hunting. Now why is she calling him and saying she's trying to get over him?

I'll give Ben a pass since it's not like he was consulted and I guess it's only logical that he would just want Dean around all the time but still, I can't really feel like it's so important that Dean stay away from Ben so he doesn't become a hunter. He might grow up to just be one of those people on the fringes of it. But then...it's not like I want a kid in the backseat so...

Yeah, funny how those guys weren't judged too harshly by the ep for their prank, huh? It's almost like the show kind of understood that it's just human nature to feel the need to prank the lonelyhearts that way.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I almost wish I'd recorded that episode so I could count off how many awful cliches there were in The Montage. I think it was when Dean and Lisa were giggling in bed that I really lost it. The only thing that was missing was a long walk on the beach. Although that might have been in there, I don't know. I watched it with my hands over my eyes, like a horror movie.

Now why is she calling him and saying she's trying to get over him?

I think she meant that she tried to reach him six times to talk things over and then when he didn't answer she decided to move on and start dating. Or something. I honestly don't care. This whole relationship was such a trumped up contrivance from the get-go that there's no way I could ever be invested in it. Which is yet another thing that irritated me so much while I was enduring the schmaltz. This whole storyline was nothing a bolt-hole filler and now I'm supposed to get all misty about it?

Yeah, funny how those guys weren't judged too harshly by the ep for their prank, huh?

I think they took their inspiration from Neil LaBute, but the whole thing was so poorly thought out. The idea that this girl was crushingly shy but would still be adventurous enough to rendezvous with some "secret admirer" at his apartment? The four guys hiding out there waiting for her? As if that wouldn't have really turned violent very quickly? And yeah, the way the whole thing was made out to be nothing but a somewhat dickish prank. And hey, I'm pretty sure there WERE four guys in that apartment. What happened to the fourth. Rose just never got around to him?

[shoofus.livejournal.com]

rose got poofed before she got guy number four, alas...he is the dick that got away

[shoofus.livejournal.com]

this actually gave me my one laugh about that ep, sooo on target

http://www.thewinchesterfamilybusiness.com/article-list/category15/16085-fun-strategies-for-watching-a-filler-episode.html

[shoofus.livejournal.com]

but she forgot to mention someone opening a door to them...its definitely a theme that needs to be explored...

[oselle.livejournal.com]

Well, if Lisa becomes more of a regular, we'll definitely have to add "Lisa opens a door" to the list.

[liptonrm.livejournal.com]

Trufax: I watched maybe a third of that episode straight on. The rest of it I spent staring at the fireplace or talking shit with Baylor while things happened on the TV.

Also, Some People (whose names begin with a B) might have said that "except for all the Lisa stuff" this was the best epsiode this season. Though, in her defense, she was a little tipsy at the time.

I have to go to Frankenmuth for a Girl's Weekend with my mother, aunt, cousin, and sister-in-law next Friday. Knowing that I'll be missing the meta episode almost makes the horror of spending that much time with my female relatives worth it. Almost.

It was a Montage.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

I wish I had a fireplace to stare at during awful Montages.

I hope Baylor records that episode for you and forces you to watch it. We need solidarity of suffering on this one.

[oxer12.livejournal.com]

This thread is hilarious. :D

During The Montage, all I could think about was the song from Team America: World Police - "We need a montage!" God, I love that movie.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

LOL...liptonrm linked to that upthread!

[oxer12.livejournal.com]

Oops, I didn't see that! Now I want to go watch it. :D

[ghyste.livejournal.com]

Based on the first 15 minutes or so, I thought we were in for a decent old-fashioned MoTW episode. A little bloody, a little creepy (those anatomy dummies have always freaked me out), the rather adorable reappearance of the EMF monitor. Then all of a sudden...oh God...I'm in Lisa Braeden's living room watching her and Dean hash out their domestic issues against a soundtrack of sappy strings.

That pretty much summarises most of my own review, but far more succinctly!

Also, I guess in this case one of the benefits of watching the show on download was that I didn't have to suffer the preview for next week's.

[oselle.livejournal.com]

The preview was painful to say the least.